I skipped my run yesterday. I was supposed to get up at 5am and do the 3 by 12 minute threshold workout that my plan was calling for. I turned my alarm off, looked at the rain that was falling outside and rolled back over. I called myself lazy, slacker, and weak. I knew I had to get out there. If I want to run a fast marathon, then I need to do the work. I knew this. But the truth is, I just wasn’t feeling it. I’ve been overwhelmed lately and the idea of getting up and facing a cold rain with a hard workout was just more than my little, damaged psyche could take.
I’ve been on the edge of depression as of late. My marriage is hard. My kids are hard. This whole ‘maybe we’ll move in the next three months’ is hard. I’ve been spinning my wheels and going nowhere — just slinging mud. Sometimes this whole marathon thing is hard. I have days where I wonder why I can’t just be happy with 5ks and 10ks. Sometimes the one thing I enjoy just feels like more work. So I rolled over and slept until 8. Then I spent the rest of the day feeling moppy and mad at myself. I knew a day off wouldn’t hurt my training, but who takes a rest day just because they are sad?!
I got up this morning. I would have loved to have slept in, or at least sat in bed with my coffee and the news. But instead I pulled on my big girl booty shorts and hit the trail. The fog was so dense you could only see a hundred feet or so ahead on the trail and it clung to my hair and eye lashes. And it was a chilly 55 degrees. I actually wore a long sleeve. It felt amazing to have to wear a long sleeve shirt while running in July, especially after the intense heat wave we endured last week. I’m not gonna lie; I was slightly emotional. I was focused on the run and my pace and not really thinking about anything, but subconsciously my brain (and body) were working through a lot of stuff. Sweat, fog, and tears all look the same streaming down the face, and thankfully no one was out that early to see me anyway. I ran a solid 10 seconds ahead of pace and felt strong. I even managed to get in an extra rep. That should make up for yesterday’s laziness, right?
Thankfully marathon training is long enough, forgiving enough to not take it so personally when you need a day off. I have time to get it together before the gun goes off. I have a lot of distance to cover between now and October, and the marathon training is okay with me taking my time. I’ll be okay because of marathon training. Life is sometimes hard, but running makes me strong enough to live it.